I missed blogging!
Hello blogger! I'm listening to the Chariots of fire music now....damn pleasing to hear!
HOw is everything going on? There's so much i have to say!!!! It's been almost 6 months since college started.
I made new friends, duuuh..... seniors, P.U students, and classmates too, obviously.
Let me introduce my gang- My closest pals here--- too many to mention... will definetly mention them when the time comes.... We're all pretty close, i guess.... Just that we bond in different ways. And that's the silver lining.
My Seniors....ummm there are really too many.... QUite a few them are committed. Here, dating is fun, and just so cute. I've seen the messages of this didi, and boy, and i just go "aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
They're really romantic.
College is fun, sleeping, cellphones ringing, messaging in class, answering questions, late studying, fudging, joking with the teachers, music, dance, it's just normal.
I get to go home every month or so, so i do got the best of both worlds. Sometimes, i miss my parents. I miss my old friends too. No one at college is like them, Funnily, Bhanu's the only one who's really keeping in touch. I met her today.
A lot of blood has already been shed at college. Not only during experiments... you get my point, don't you?
Where do i begin? How do i begin? So much is still the same, yet so much is different!
So, just the basics first.... I'm staying in hostel over there....at SSCASR. It's nearby the ashram. We've got 6 people in each room, it's all shuffled up...not like northies with the northies or stuff like that.... And there, my bed. THe bunker, nearby the window, in the center of the room, having the only plug point which worked, and my room, with 5 other unique amazing people.
They didn't come all at once, just one at a time....
It was fun, in the beginning, just used my socialising techniques to the fullest extent. And stayed AWAY from the guys. I dunno exactly why, but my appearance was pretty embarrasing. I had a lot of weighty issues, being the only sumo wrestler in the class.... But yea, i was targeted. Bangalorean, nice, sweet, easy to talk to, could understand quite a few languages... yup yup, enough of praise Zula....
Seriously, it's true! My bed was filled with people every night. Playing chess, laughing, taking pics and videos, enjoying the newly found freedom, gossipping, talking about our stories, getting to know each other.... My bed has experienced a lot!
It was filled with phones, chargers, snacks, books, people, and DIRT! Everyone had to bring their dirty feet and rub it all over my bedsheet, ...everyday i had to clean it..!!!! AARgh!
I liked it there. Sometimes i missed the silence of my room, the scenes i could see in my neighbour's room... :P, my parents, Vinnysan, my old friends.. oh yea. None of my pals here were like them.... I had to speak in hindi! It's not that difficult, but yea.... the hinglish that i was speaking sucked.
I was popular. Being nominated for class rep, but i refused. I cannot handle all that responsibility. Really.... It's too much of a headache!
So, i had a nice gang of friends....we were jolly, the guys were ok ok( a lot less than my expectations, but passable).. i had parents who came and visited every week with my usual snacks supply, and other stuff... DUH! , and my seniors were hostile at first..but yea, sure, after the intro's and stuff, they were awesome!!!
Umm, another thing i have got to mention is that there was a lotta groupism. Mallus and mallus, northie boys, northie girls.... None were together, unless by chance... Sad!
But yea, it's at times like those when people like me get most benefit.
I talked to everyone, got to know a lot of stuff, you know, girl gossip.
Flirting began. Not me, i so don't flirt.. but the others? quite a few had begun, it was normal...but yea, the guys... so wierd...THESE girls and THESE guys? So incompatible!!
In between, we'd have our catfights, and wierd funny things, we'd take wierd photos and videos... and our special moments..
Seriously, i am at a loss of words, for once, considering i could be able to beat the guinness record for the most words spoken in a minute....
There were loads of events - The shishyopanana, The cultural fest, the Sports Fest, The avyuveda academy fest, then New years, valentine's day, oh yea, before that, we had navaraathri, and diwali, then our internals, there's sooo much to talk about!!!
See? THis is what happens when you create sooo much of a backlog! You should have typed everytime you came home... Even you have difficulty typing the way you used to!
How stupid, i couldn't! I didn't even have time to breathe when i came here... how could i have sat and typed out whatever i want to type?
dumb blogger... i'm not a robot.
So, hold on, i'll go refer to my diary...
I had 5 good friends mainly, in the beginning... Chattisgarh, Up1, Up2, Surat, Ernakulam.
Others also existed....but sure, weren't part of my main gang.. they were just, as Mr.G said... timepass, they were just for fun...Sure, we trusted them, only up to a limit.
Soon, i could sense a sort of a dominance in many people. In my own group...or whatever it is called...
Well, let's start from the beginning again, okay?
I can see myself confused when i read the previous crapshit i've typed.
When i first came to the hostel - I was nervous, scared.
I promised myself i'd follow a few rules, which were
- TO be everyone's friend, yet be a good friend to my gang.
- To do my best. TO be the best i could be.
- To study as much as was necessary.
- TO not create problems.
The first few days, everything was just too fast, and too slow... Days passed fast, time passed slowly, if you get me.
We went to the ashram, we went to satsang, and we had a gala time. Danced, sang, jumped, laughed, all that stuff. And of course, commented on the other people... duh, we're girls.
I remember when i told them about Mr.G. All of them were like, ooooh Zula, too much, you really are in love with him, and all that.. still, i was so doubtful, didn't know what he felt. Didn't know what he wanted. I was sooo stupid.
My teacher's were okay... i guess. I have these subjects - Padartha Vignan, Ashtaanga Hridaya, Shareera rachana( Anatomy), Shareera Kriya( physiology), Sanskrit, Itihasa, Kannada, constitution, etc...
I have two teachers for PV - outta which one guy loves me, one guy hates me.( He caught me with a ringing mobile on the first day, which is a great first impression)
And then i've got two teachers for AH - they're okay, they somehow have this notion that people who have come through merit have more intelligence than those who came paying the full fees. i think that's stupid.
I've got ummm 5 teachers for anat - They all suck. Except for this lady, all the guys have the hots for her.., and this other guy teacher..he's C.U.T.E!!
Physiology, we have 3 teachers - one of them is a big bitch. THe other two are fantastic...that's why this is one of my easiest subjects...it's sooo fascinating!
Boring stuff, i know, but if i don't tell you, how will you understand? point na?
I remember crying once, cause i felt homesick. Just once. One thing that i could not adjust with, for the first month was the damn indian toilets!!! They were so uncomfy!!! Reminded me of the public toilets, spiders, cobwebs, probably some frog in the hole, eurgh!!
It wasn't that bad, but i hated the place. We had walking everyday, uphill downhill uphill downhill.. oh ya, it used to be torture. From the main road to hostel, we had to walk up this steep road..
It used to be pain, aah pain! But yea, got used to that too...
Life wasn't something totally new there....i had new friends, at that time, it was just Chattisgarh, Up1, Up2, Ernakulam.
Surat made a late entrance. I didn't use the internet at college, it was so bloody slow, and the comp was fucked up with viruses. Until they finally scrapped it all up and put new computers and stuff. Still, the internet's damn slow. I mainly used to go online to see if Mr.G had sent any mail.. which he rarely did... probably once in a week or something.
I missed all the school fun. All the pranks we played, in school, life was different. We ruled the place, all of us were together.
We all spoke English. Here, it was as if i was in a chaotic place. My class was divided. Mallus, northies, guys, girls..and the kannadigas.
I missed my old friends....it was a bit difficult to speak hindi, wake up on my own, study on my own, not many calls, not the same life at all.
I missed talking to them about everything. Sometimes i missed Mr.G too...
My seniors have pretty sensitive ears. Whatever we thought would stay within our batch, just spread like wildfire. Methodically, I eliminated all those i couldn't trust. First, the guys got kicked. Then a few bitches.. bla bla bla, this is not even what i wanted to say...
Soon, more girls started joining the room. Temple girl came, then came Davangere.. Davangere was soo introverted. She just cannot communicate properly. Temple girl is very sweet... she's damn helpful. So, right now, I had 5 girls in my room. All of us thought that the sixth girl would never come... Good for us, one free bed...
Up1 was made the Cr of the class... And this othe dumbo from surat was the guy's Cr.
He was such a sucko.
I thought i'd be able to do some nice reading in the library. The library was filled with just academic stuff, newspapers, lotsa magazines.. BORING! I was not interested in entering that place.
During the first month there... I was with this false sense of happiness. That it was the new life.
That i could start anew again. Soon, i got confused, everyone was smiling, yet, everyone was whispering behind everyone else's back. The best part was, since i was everyone's friend, everyone was also whispering to me. So i knew what was going on. There were rumours about everyone else... There was a rumour about me that i wasn't a virgin... well, it's just stupid.
Another thing. All of my batchmates were talkers talkers talkers. Not one person to listen. Everyone just wanted to voice their opinions. Shout, scream, talk, jabber jabber, it was becoming soo noisy.
I wished that i'd find someone special here. Someone who'd listen, who'd actually converse. Who'd i could rely on.
Chattisgarh and me started becoming close. She hardly knew english. I used to help her out with stuff. We used to study together. Her grasping power was amazing... I finally had an equal to talk to. SHe was good at singing, dancing, everything. She was sensitive, and we used to laugh out all the time.... There was this one song she'd listen to on my phone ALL THE TIME!!! She listened to me. SHe talked to me. We were together. She was soft spoken, and yes, introverted.
But once, you get to know her, she's an absolute sweetheart.
She was also homesick. ONe thing that was different was that she was under a hell lotta tension. Everyday, she would cry. Cause she felt she couldn't study all this, cause she felt she would fail.
I remember waking up almost everyday, and going to the other room to see if the others had woken up, and i'd see her sitting and crying. Every single day we'd calm her down. It was true, i tried to understand she knew all the answers.... but how would she explain them? She didn't know how to communicate..
Every time she answered a question in class, it was in hindi. Her english was bad.
She was my best friend.
It was around this time, that surat chose to come. At first, all i knew was that she was damn clever. And noisy!!
I got along well with her. Only problem was, she hogged my time with chattisgarh. She hogged off up1's time with me. She was funny, enthu, yada yada.. but i started resenting her!! I mean, hello, chattisgarh belongs to me!! Not you!!
Up1 and up2 fought, to make matters worse...they weren't talking to each other. I wasn't happy. I mean, hello! Am i the only person with some sanity?
Chattisgarh was going to leave college. She was going back home. Not even two months were over, and she decided to leave. I cried for so long. Almost everyday i'd cry. She'd try and comfort me. But this was hopeless. And stupid surat. Wouldn't give me one moment alone with her. I didn't have anyone to run to. I didn't have anyone to comfort me. My parents would try to help, but they couldn't do much.. I needed a friend. If anything was wrong, the first person i'd run to was CG. And right now, i couldn't do that... :(((
What could i tell my old pals? THey couldn't help much either. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare. I wanted her to tell me she wouldn't leave.
Oh yea, before this, we'd had our introductions. It was absolute crap.
Our YES+ course began. Cg left on the second day of the course. Funny, everynight, i'd just sit on my bed, and stare at the wall.
I was stuck between up1 and up2.
Didn't know what to do about surat and Cg.
I wanted to run away, for once, i felt so helpless.
THe yes+ course was something i really needed. It was so refreshing. Every evening, we'd sit in the hall, doing crazy things, i felt so great! Absolutely amazing! 50-60 suryanamaskars, kriya, dancing, so much learning... it was brilliant. I didn't know many of my classmates' names, but during this course, i got to know so much about them.
This course was sorta like my leap to be known as the loudspeaker of the class. I got this sorta "hot seat" treatment. And well, to teach me how to let go of the umm, restrictions, that i imposed on myself... i was asked to scream. Yes, scream. In front of everyone. Seriously, you mightthink that's cheap shit, but it isn't. With everyone staring at you as if you're mental to even attempt it...i almost wanted to cry. I wasn't scared or anything...was just embarrased... and then my teacher's like, go on, give your 100%.
I just wanted to get it over with.
I screamed for like 15 secs. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... you get my point.
But he wasn't satisfied. The next time, i went on for around 45 secs. My face was beet red, i expect. But this time, i wanted to do so much more. I understood what he'd been trying to tell me. Once you give your 100%, nothing else matters. That i had the energy all along. There was so much of fun in doing crazy stuff. And that it was doing ou of the ordinary things that got me appreciation.
I learnt a lot that day. Also since then, me and my teacher had a sort of a special bond. We'd sit and talk a lot. I was so happy that week, every evening from 5 to around 11. It was so cool. WE had 3 teachers for the course, btw. One of the teachers had such a deeeeeeeep voice.. WHenever he made us meditate, his voice would make me get goosebumps!!
I learnt so much during that course. It totally changed what i was doing. I wouldn't say it made me more open, or anything, it just made me better...
So, if only the course had gone on forever... :(((
In college.. (after CG left), I'd asked Surat, simply, who her best friend over here was.... and she quoted the story of me and MrG. (i'm not gonna tell you that here.... or maybe you know it already....) implying that she was me and this person was MrG.... okay....that meant it had to be CG! Duh!
ANd when she stated pretty calmly, that it was me, I was like WTH! ME? How? i mean, almost all the time she used to be with her, laughing, talkign and eating... i mean, we only used to talk on my bed, but everyone else used to do that too...
SHe wrote me a letter( it's private). ANd that's when i realised the truth.
Sad, i so suck at recognizing signs. Seriously.
On the last day of the course, i finally fought with someone. FINALLY.
I fought with up1. She began feeling left out... Cause me and surat were almost always together..(now surat stuck like a magnet) and up2 and ernakulam were the same, and this was because up1 and up2 weren't talking.
Up1 decided to blast me. Okay, bring it on!
You know, during the course, the way i thought about the guys changed.... they weren't half bad at playing uno, and god, the way they dance..... is SO FUNNY!!! They're really good entertainers.....
Then came Navaraathri. We went to the ashram every night. And we danced. Garba!!!!! It was my first time.... i've never danced such kind of steps... it was soo much fun!! right left round clap back twist kick round it's good...and with the daandiyas, it's even better!! It was sorta like the first time the seniors actually mingled with us...they dance sooooo well!!! they're brilliant!!!
I lost weight. :) I have to mention it..
I began resenting my life in the hostel, it was the same thing again and again. Morning, afternoon, evening, night. And the stpid gossip about crushes, clothes, what he said, what she said, what he did, what she did... :X . And it all had to happen on my bed. MY BED!!!!
Up1 and up2 were the most irritating creatures. Esp when we had to go out, they'd go in and out of my room, trying out this lotion,that jewellery, perfume, deo, this eyeliner, that lip gloss, and
standing in fron of the mirror, trying on different hairstyles, and all the while shouting for an honest opinion. GIrls, you should just go nude. It was soooo bloody irritating.
And more over. They didn't understand at all. They didn't listen. Atleast Surat did. CG called sometimes... And we used to talk a lot.... a lot lot lot.
THey weren't talking to each other, remember? So each time one came into the room, the other left, and vice versa.... Gossip mongers.
Enter non-devil. She's my age, only she's a PU student. I met her at this satsang. Okay, she used to come sometimes and talk... not that it really bothered me.. but yea, i really needed someone with sense to talk to. Other than the phone, of course...
She told me a lotta stuff, even when i say lots, it's magnitude is sooo much more than you can imagine. She had a crush on this guy called Goku. He was my batchmate, and i hated him. HE'd always come up with pointers to tell me how to improve my behaviour. The sad ass.
And she had a huge crush on him. Perfect.
See, now, there's one bit of info you need to know. Surat is damn pretty. So, there were plenty of rumours about her, and all the guys.
So, life went on like this... daily class, daily rumours, daily food, daily sleep...with a little bit of hw...
Some fights, some silence, some special moments...
THen came my DSN course. This wasn't compulsory for us, it was optional... and, Bawa was taking it. I really needed to get out. So, i went for it. It was exactly what i needed. THE BEST.
I did soo much during the course..... Ernakulam had come with me. Along with a few other classmates. And a few seniors.
We'd have two "meals" a day. One at 8 30 am, and the other at 5 30 pm. Our day was from 6 in the morning till around 12 midnight. Daily, we'd have 5 rounds of Ps.
Oh yes, many restrictions. No outside food, no smoking, no drinking, and no coming late. And yes, no mobiles. I didn't get to communicate with any of my friends, those 4 days.
I stayed at this didi's place, We were around 9 people. and one bathroom. No warm water. No alarm also. So, that gave us approx 6 mins to take bath. I don't know how i managed. I particularly got irritated with ernakulam. She'd take bath for like 20 mins. And the rest of us would get late. And taking bath was compulsory, if you're thinking of alternatives.
What energy! I used to hate ps. All that stuff!!!! pain!!!
Bawa taught a lot. He talked about the four kinds of people- The ant, housefly, the butterfly, and the honeybee.
He talked about the two kinds of friends.
He talked about the different kinds of pleasure.
He caught me sleeping in his session.
Ps got more and more fun, i mean, i got used to the pain, and well, i started observing what was changing. But there was this one teacher, who used to take the entire kriya for us. I still dislike her. What normally took 2 hours without her took 3 hours with her. stretch stretch......... stretch stretch......... stretch stretch ...pain.... all my nerves used to scream in protest... lie down, lie down... god!!
I had 4 others in my team. We were 3 guys, 2 girls... Viju, me, gautam, gaurav and vidur. All of them were working, except for gautam. He's doing a CA, or something like that.
They were superb people. Gautam was a silent observer. Vidur an introvert, gaurav a childish funny guy, and VIju was enthusiastic, and she was a good friend.
After the course, we all were so different.
We did all sortsa wierd stuff during the course... We shouted boo!! in a restaurant( crowded, mind you), at a guy who was peeing in the gutter, we shouted boo to the trees in the middle of the sidewalk, to the different vendors... we bought trees, and dug up the ground and planted them....
We made a big mess at the malls, cause we bought a lot, and then we tell them that we don't want plastic.... when he'd already billed us. We almost made him cry. Poor guys... one of them was cute :)
and we'd give roadside intro talks, we'd tell people not to use plastic. So much more...was so good. I did the wierdest things...
I got tanned... really badly. Lucky for me, i didn't get sunburnt. BUt yea, i lost a lot of weight during that course...
The last day was the best.... we were asked to get an extra set of clothes.... and we were supposed to be at the ashram.
We cleaned it
So... first suprise. We had to give the guys our clothes, and the guys give us theirs.
Okay, so we changed. ANd they looked so funny.
Second. We had to look like the opposite sex. Which meant, guys had to shave off all their facial hair, and get their make-up done! We girls had to get the moustaches and all. The process was okay for us girls...but the guys had a difficult time... their salwars were soo uncomfortable.... and lipstick, and blush, and the dupattas....they had a difficult time.
Third. Ps in our costumes. THis was the ultimate. And it was all videotaped. Funny embarrassing moments, th guys were busy adjusting everything.... and we girls were nice and relaxed.... except for those who had jeans to wear.
We had peach icecream, and Bawa had made this awesome dish for us. Just for us. Everyone was like, it tastes just like chicken... and i was like, chicken tastes like this???
Chicken tastes, okay, i guess, nothing great in it. Oh, btw, we ate in our costumes. In the ashram kitchen. With everyone starting at us. mmmmph! We all just couldn't stop laughing. I really pity jaideep.. he had worn this really uncomfy salwar of mine... and it was tight for him. Dunno how he managed to do ps.
I had a crush on vidur. He was so cute. his hair used to fall just over his eyes, his smile...and the way he used to drawl was neat..... He looked so girlish in his salwar....
I loved the IBTY process.... complete silence, yet so much understanding.. positive vibes...
I was crying when the course got over... didn't want it to get over... I didn't want to go back to the damn books, to education. I liked this stuff, philosophy, to teach me the real meaning of life.
End of Course. End of Part I.
