Zokra went to college today. I missed her, a bit. Actually, i was a bit envious. She was so happy, when i wasn't. That feeling went away though.
Just realised something. HAndling 4 kids 6 years and younger is a hellish task. They won't let me watch my favorite shows, they will constantly bug you for things so stupid, so silly, and they ask endless questions, they cry, they fuss, they irritate, they are so naive. They are dirty, and sticky, drooly, and ewwish.
And they've got such cute smiles. Such nice gestures. Such awe when you tell them a story. So much admiration when you do tricks. All that mixed with how much they wanna be JUSt like you when they grow up. How they listen to you.
Kids. Can't believe i was like that.
And my cousins! THe house is packed. Can't figure out how the house contains them!
My college starts last. Last. Last. And ends second last. I'll have to get my dl after 2 months, i suppose. Still got a lot of work.
Mom and dad bought me a new mobile, finally/ My old one was breaking apart, though it had all the stuff i wanted. My new phone's just got the password option, and it's a flip phone..... otherwise, my old one was perfect. Still love it. And all the stuff we went through!!!!
Was watching splitzvilla today. It was boring. Really, so much for a grand finale....they keep going around in circles. Sad.
I'm just tired of all the old things, want to be new again, want everything to be new. I need.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
A week more
I've got a week for college to start. Inching closer and closer to a lot less phone calls, no meeting, no crazy pranks, no funny photos, no being together. For a long time.
Will miss everything that happened. I'm still in two minds, whether to take all those things to college or not. Actually, my parents are saying that its no more necessary for me to go to hostel,
(i know why they're saying that) , but i want to go. I've thought a lot about being away from home. This is as far as i could go.
People call often, and we still have conversations as if nothing's changed. As if it was a school holiday. I don't know what's going to happen to us. If we'll still stay as strong as we were. Or just ....move on.
I've got a lot to say to all of them, just don't know how, or when. It's really difficult. I'm the "stupid writer", who writes out everything. No one does that. Atleast, i don't think so.
I want to wish my friends all the best for everything that they do, and that, no matter what's happened, they'll always be in my heart. But how? How would i? How should i? WHen there are so many unspoken things between us.
I'll never forget. I hope.
Will miss everything that happened. I'm still in two minds, whether to take all those things to college or not. Actually, my parents are saying that its no more necessary for me to go to hostel,
(i know why they're saying that) , but i want to go. I've thought a lot about being away from home. This is as far as i could go.
People call often, and we still have conversations as if nothing's changed. As if it was a school holiday. I don't know what's going to happen to us. If we'll still stay as strong as we were. Or just ....move on.
I've got a lot to say to all of them, just don't know how, or when. It's really difficult. I'm the "stupid writer", who writes out everything. No one does that. Atleast, i don't think so.
I want to wish my friends all the best for everything that they do, and that, no matter what's happened, they'll always be in my heart. But how? How would i? How should i? WHen there are so many unspoken things between us.
I'll never forget. I hope.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Selfish desires
I've been contemplating lately. What if? Why that? How could? All that.
Thinking of all the possibilities. Of all Certainties.
A lot has happened these days. Including Janmashtami, today.
I wish i knew the insides of people. Not the physical insides, i'm going to find that out sooner or later.
A tweak inside, and they could be modified. Some are so rusty.
My driving classes are going fine, we almost crashed into a bunch of cylinders. My instructor had taken up the steering and all i was supposed to do was accelerate while he was supposed to
reverse and he was controlling the steering.
And that's when i'd glanced at the mirror, and wham, i pressed the brakes. the car was an inch away from those cylinders, and this stranger passing by makes a face at me. I raised my hands up, and made a face back, damn him. More than ever i wanted to kick this substitute driver i'd
gotten.
Saturday's dad's official day of rest. Problem was it was janmashtami, and that's when grandmom's ass had to butt into everything, and the entire kitchen was noisy. Preparing this, frying that, cooking this, chopping that, cleaning this, burning that. Damn hectic. And my grandmom pretending to help, grandad yelling for his glassses and books.
Mom and dad scurrying about, and me? i guess my legs suddenly developed top speed. One moment i was frying, the next moment running off to get the door or something.
I'd planned to catch up with my pals today. To go out for a movie, and spend time at home later.
Why was I in two moods? I'd wanted to go, duuh. Why was it feeling wrong? I knew my parents needed help. Why? My bro doesn't need to help, his exams are going on. My foot. What, is he a collegian?
I ditched the movie. And gave my parents a piece of my mind. And helped them. I don't sulk.
Nor did my friends. Still, why was i not disappointed that i didn't go?
I picked them up after that. We'd had soooo much fun! The bus rides rocked! We couldn't stop laughing!!Hot sun and all, i'm sure if we'd stood for longer, we'd have gotten baked.
We'd stopped at nilgiris after that, to do some no money-shopping.
Mom says that if someone comes to eat on the day of a festival, it means we are graced with god's presence. She was soo thrilled.
Zokra pestered us to play cricket. Nag nag nag..... big difference, though, she's always like that about cricket. Showed them my baby photos, and they'd had such a good laugh!
We took pics too. THis was a special event in itself.
We had a lotta fun, took an unexpected trip to the mall. What fun! I don't think people have seen a crazier gang before! I do make a fool of myself. But it's so worth it. Do people remember you if you're a normal face? Dare to be different.
We'd trooped back home, just in time for splitzvilla, today rumoured to be the last show.
And they left.
I was happy. Everything was so worth it.
Thinking of all the possibilities. Of all Certainties.
A lot has happened these days. Including Janmashtami, today.
I wish i knew the insides of people. Not the physical insides, i'm going to find that out sooner or later.
A tweak inside, and they could be modified. Some are so rusty.
My driving classes are going fine, we almost crashed into a bunch of cylinders. My instructor had taken up the steering and all i was supposed to do was accelerate while he was supposed to
reverse and he was controlling the steering.
And that's when i'd glanced at the mirror, and wham, i pressed the brakes. the car was an inch away from those cylinders, and this stranger passing by makes a face at me. I raised my hands up, and made a face back, damn him. More than ever i wanted to kick this substitute driver i'd
gotten.
Saturday's dad's official day of rest. Problem was it was janmashtami, and that's when grandmom's ass had to butt into everything, and the entire kitchen was noisy. Preparing this, frying that, cooking this, chopping that, cleaning this, burning that. Damn hectic. And my grandmom pretending to help, grandad yelling for his glassses and books.
Mom and dad scurrying about, and me? i guess my legs suddenly developed top speed. One moment i was frying, the next moment running off to get the door or something.
I'd planned to catch up with my pals today. To go out for a movie, and spend time at home later.
Why was I in two moods? I'd wanted to go, duuh. Why was it feeling wrong? I knew my parents needed help. Why? My bro doesn't need to help, his exams are going on. My foot. What, is he a collegian?
I ditched the movie. And gave my parents a piece of my mind. And helped them. I don't sulk.
Nor did my friends. Still, why was i not disappointed that i didn't go?
I picked them up after that. We'd had soooo much fun! The bus rides rocked! We couldn't stop laughing!!Hot sun and all, i'm sure if we'd stood for longer, we'd have gotten baked.
We'd stopped at nilgiris after that, to do some no money-shopping.
Mom says that if someone comes to eat on the day of a festival, it means we are graced with god's presence. She was soo thrilled.
Zokra pestered us to play cricket. Nag nag nag..... big difference, though, she's always like that about cricket. Showed them my baby photos, and they'd had such a good laugh!
We took pics too. THis was a special event in itself.
We had a lotta fun, took an unexpected trip to the mall. What fun! I don't think people have seen a crazier gang before! I do make a fool of myself. But it's so worth it. Do people remember you if you're a normal face? Dare to be different.
We'd trooped back home, just in time for splitzvilla, today rumoured to be the last show.
And they left.
I was happy. Everything was so worth it.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
moods and dooms.
2 weeks. Almost.
A cellphone was all i had to communicate with my friends.....and talk to my bff's for hours. My 500+ balance dropped to 100+, within a week! Not that i've not got value for money, i couldn't stop talking once i started. I still have a lot to catch up on. We've planned a lot, i've got dl classes, need to revise my bio, get proper accessories, pack up for college, get some photos, my atm card...basically, i've got a lot to do.
For once, i made a to-do list. Organisation.
I missed home. Mom's comfort, talking out stuff with dad, fighting with Vin for the comp, all silly. I'd recorded a conversation between all of us sometime ago, and that's what i'd listen to, if my grandmom bogged me down.
She's not nice. Everyday, nag nag nag nag nag. She'll pick just the time when i sit to read my book, or speak to my friends to call me. It ain't coincidence, it happened 19 times!
It was me ,patti and thatha. Not many people i could really talk to. Lot of moving back and forth. I like the garden there. I like walking amongst those trees, they have so much life in them. Squirrels chasing each other, a sleepy cat, the small centipedes, the crows and they're endless cawing.
Once you go inside the house, all you'd know is that there's clutter. A mess. Things on the verge of falling. I don't blame them, the house needed some help, if they didn't.
And that's why i came. Chennai is madness, things go so slow. A day is from 6 am to 6 pm. Sarees are a must. No keeping this close to that, don't touch this and this thing, no hugs, no nice words, grandmas everywhere, and the usual conversation -
"Ay!! yeppidi irruke? Sowkyama?"
"Aan! Nanna irruken! Neenga?"
"yellan serya irruku....amma appa? Patti yenga? Ippo nee yenaa padikare?"
"snore..........."
People say bangalore is slow compared to mumbai, where people are in the moment. Wonder how they'd deal with Chennai.
I'd met a few friends, cousins, we'd gone out. And that's when something happened. Some asshole tried to push his dick onto me in the bus. Duhh, i'd pushed him. Problem was, a bit too much. He fell, and i made a big issue of what he did. That's what i used to do in blore, and all the ladies would stick up for me an give this guy a beating. There, they stared. Not one word.
I knew my face was betroot colour. That man got off the bus. I knew all those eyes were on me.
One of my friends asked me why i'd done that. "snore........................" .
"it happens re....there's nothing you can do 'bout it."
I listened to two versions of my grandparents' marriage. I'd looked through their albums, found some nice pics for my scrapbook. Really interesting ones.
I think atleast 1% of the world's lizard population is present at their place. If there's one thing that scares me, it's a lizard.....
ughhh.
I like the way the sunlught shines in through the windows, the way the dust particles shine.
I'd gone to my nephew's party, and i had a really good time! I just love my folks there!
A lot happened when i'd gone. There's still something happening that i'm not sure about. Something that doesn't sound right. It feels wrong. What the hell did he do? What did she say? How is this happening?
I just hope that it gets explained. Wait a second....why am i even bothered? It has nothing to do with me.
It's a long story, and that's why i'm wondering what happened...that's all.
goodbye to all those words.
Just tuned into some music, and got a few pals online. Waiting for them to talk sense.
To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do.
Later.
A cellphone was all i had to communicate with my friends.....and talk to my bff's for hours. My 500+ balance dropped to 100+, within a week! Not that i've not got value for money, i couldn't stop talking once i started. I still have a lot to catch up on. We've planned a lot, i've got dl classes, need to revise my bio, get proper accessories, pack up for college, get some photos, my atm card...basically, i've got a lot to do.
For once, i made a to-do list. Organisation.
I missed home. Mom's comfort, talking out stuff with dad, fighting with Vin for the comp, all silly. I'd recorded a conversation between all of us sometime ago, and that's what i'd listen to, if my grandmom bogged me down.
She's not nice. Everyday, nag nag nag nag nag. She'll pick just the time when i sit to read my book, or speak to my friends to call me. It ain't coincidence, it happened 19 times!
It was me ,patti and thatha. Not many people i could really talk to. Lot of moving back and forth. I like the garden there. I like walking amongst those trees, they have so much life in them. Squirrels chasing each other, a sleepy cat, the small centipedes, the crows and they're endless cawing.
Once you go inside the house, all you'd know is that there's clutter. A mess. Things on the verge of falling. I don't blame them, the house needed some help, if they didn't.
And that's why i came. Chennai is madness, things go so slow. A day is from 6 am to 6 pm. Sarees are a must. No keeping this close to that, don't touch this and this thing, no hugs, no nice words, grandmas everywhere, and the usual conversation -
"Ay!! yeppidi irruke? Sowkyama?"
"Aan! Nanna irruken! Neenga?"
"yellan serya irruku....amma appa? Patti yenga? Ippo nee yenaa padikare?"
"snore..........."
People say bangalore is slow compared to mumbai, where people are in the moment. Wonder how they'd deal with Chennai.
I'd met a few friends, cousins, we'd gone out. And that's when something happened. Some asshole tried to push his dick onto me in the bus. Duhh, i'd pushed him. Problem was, a bit too much. He fell, and i made a big issue of what he did. That's what i used to do in blore, and all the ladies would stick up for me an give this guy a beating. There, they stared. Not one word.
I knew my face was betroot colour. That man got off the bus. I knew all those eyes were on me.
One of my friends asked me why i'd done that. "snore........................" .
"it happens re....there's nothing you can do 'bout it."
I listened to two versions of my grandparents' marriage. I'd looked through their albums, found some nice pics for my scrapbook. Really interesting ones.
I think atleast 1% of the world's lizard population is present at their place. If there's one thing that scares me, it's a lizard.....
ughhh.
I like the way the sunlught shines in through the windows, the way the dust particles shine.
I'd gone to my nephew's party, and i had a really good time! I just love my folks there!
A lot happened when i'd gone. There's still something happening that i'm not sure about. Something that doesn't sound right. It feels wrong. What the hell did he do? What did she say? How is this happening?
I just hope that it gets explained. Wait a second....why am i even bothered? It has nothing to do with me.
It's a long story, and that's why i'm wondering what happened...that's all.
goodbye to all those words.
Just tuned into some music, and got a few pals online. Waiting for them to talk sense.
To do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do.
Later.
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