I suddenly feel like writing.
My exams just got over, and i'm at home.
There are times in my life, where i just sit and ponder about all the things going on around me.
Sometimes you hear my roommates screaming their heads off about some insect that just escaped from the sink, or you hear some people giggling out on the street about some funny thing the teacher did.
And then, you just feel so separate from all the things happening... like your not interested not are you interested. like a neutral being. And that’s the best time to just sit and do nothing.
When i looked back at the months that passed by, i can only see all the happiness life brought. I’d remember pain, but it all seems so dim, compared to the happy memories.
When i was in school, i used to resent evrything about my dad, and anything he did.
I didn’t hate him, i just didn’t like him a lot!
Looking at him now, everyday only brings more respect for him in my heart. I love him, and all the things he’s done for me, and every moment he’s tried to make my life as smooth as it could be.
I needed to see him in a different way, i guess. Looking at him struggling everyday, to see us all happy, and not even complaining about all the things he has to do, is all his love for us.
It took me a long time to see it, but there you are. I’m glad i’m not too late to respond to his open arms, just asking for me to be there.
YEsterday was Ganesh Chaturthi, and we had a satsang at home. No big event or anything, it was just the 6 of us. Mom, dad, Vin, Paati, me and Kalpana. I remembered how much dad would push me to sing, and how i’d hate him for that. Yesterday evening, when he closed his eyes, and was just listening to me sing, I know he felt good. I felt good. For once, i realy felt good singing before him. Where he wouldn’t comment on my pitch, or the tune, or where i faltered.
My dad has been with me. And in spite of all that i’ve done against him, in spite of all the pain i’ve caused, he still loves me. It takes a real person to love like that.
I’ve never been able to voice what i feel properly, and in writing, words just flow. For my parents’ anniversary, more than anything, i wanted to say, thank you, cause i’m grateful for having parents like you. You both are wonderful, and i couldn’t ask for more right now.
They’re coming soon to 25 years of marriage. And things aren’t the same. Mom’s somehow transitioned from teacher to student, my bro’s suddenly grown taller than me, but has STILL not given up on hugging me everytime he sees me. As for dad, he’s always the man who comes home tired and hungry, but doesn’t say a thing.
I can see the strain taking its toll on him, and i don’t argue as much as i used to, causei know where i got my sensitivity from. My dad’s every bit as emotional as i am, though he doesn’t show me.
I understand his feelings, sorta... Cause we’re more open now. I talk to him, laugh, and cry.
He’s my dad as much as he is my friend. When he’s sitting downstairs, wondering how to get rid of his back ache, the least i ccan do is atleast not leave him alone.
He was proud of me when i got the squirrel home. The way i took care of it, and worried about it was very heart warming, he said. I want to take care of my family. They are my responsibility, and i love them.
I want to make it up to you. I love you.
