i know , it's june , and i missed my writing therapy.
a lot happened last month, so much...
Amma and appa sent me and vin to the ashram, to do the Yes and YesII course. Needlessly said, taking the role of my brother's sitter, and having to go there without any known people going there, i tried my best to stop going there. My excuses ranged from - my coming birthday, to learning how to drive, to wanting to be alone, to wanting to be with my friends.
I was so apprehensive. I liked the ashram, and i liked doing the yes course there before. But then i didn't have my brother with me.
Not that it was his fault, but i needed someone to blame.
So there we went. And while registering, the girl before me had the same name as me! And we happened to be in the same room. So, we got acquainted. It turned out that her friends, around 6 more, were due to come from coimbatore. I was happy, thinking I'd have people to hang around with.
Our room was nice, we had space for two others. And so I and these people became friends.
And that's when things turned around. It was around that night - an older man had asked for help, he wanted someone who could speak telugu, and i asked them. One of them said yes and had unknowingly volunteered herself to be someone else's translator. Obviously, none of her friends were happy with me, and niether was she. Even though they faked smiles, i knew what was happening, atleast at that time. Even i wasn't happy with that, but what did everyone care? They needed someone to blame too.
And then my dear roommate decided to dump me and switch over to their rooms. Well, i accepted that, i thought she would want to be with them. Well, it was okay. And we talked, casually, but hell, i was still perturbed, it was obvious something was wrong, to me, it was a nice way of saying " we don't want you anymore".
And there were two more roommate's in my room. One from mumbai, and one from pune.
They were fun! We, were all 18 ( okay, i was almost 18) and we still had pillow fights, shared so many stories aobut our private lives, our similarities, differences, almost everything.
The nights there were sooo much fun! We used to stay up till three dancing jugs and stuff, and i loved it! The other "friends" had told me that one of my roommates was a baig slut. I figured otherwise. She was pretty nice and sweet.
Oh yes, my previous gang ignored me, as if they couldn't stand me. I was disgusted, but i had one advantage. I took time to meet others, and i widened my group of friends. I soon didn't have trouble walking with anyone.
The night before they brushed me off, i was in tears. I didn't know why i deserved all that flak. Mom always comes to the rescue then. She told me it was a cleansing process, and that i had to go on. And that's exactly waht i did.
I found different bits of me in different people. A girl who loved writing, someone clumsy, someone with pink cheeks, someone shy, it was like i was everywhere! Okay, that might sound dumb, but it felt that way.
It felt great to be with everyone. Shit, the guys know how to hog! Everytime i did seva, they took SOOOO much of food, and came back for two more servings! Doing the cutting, cleaning, sweeping, eating, and rushing back to the VM was tiring, but with a group of people, it was worth it.
I kept getting dirty looks from the old gang, but balls to them.
The first time we did SK during that course, i felt bliss, literally. Just truly happy, for no reason.
In the nights, me and the mumbai people used to get out of our rooms and chat together near the stairs with the other mumbai guys, have a nice time and get back. Boys were downstairs and girls above, so the stairs seemed the best option.
And if you're thinking that we were flirting...or making out, you're dead wrong! We just laughed and shared whatever happened. talked and talked about one of the most infamous teachers of all.
Until we got caught. One of the volunteers saw us, and well, big deal! we just said hello, and went back to our rooms! He didn't report us or anything, duuh...we weren't doing something sleazy..
We did suryanamaskars daily. Excruciating, boy i used to hate them, my knees, my tummy, my hands!!! arrgh!! almost 12 times each morning session! Atleast, that's all i could do! HE used to put on the "peacock dance" and we had to go along with the rythm. Around 40 suryanamaskars!!!
Forming bonds, learning new things everyday, that was how YES was. I was shocked, there were so many asking me for my no and email id !
And i finally got accustomed to the ragi kanji we got for breakfast, the walking up and down, the constant intake of water, and , oh yes, sans cellphone.
And that's how YESII began. This time, there were more people, few from hyderabad, few from bangalore, and most of the mumbai gang stayed behind.
The first day was almost like, a day to socialise, only not in a normal manner, we played different games and stuff, made wierd physical connections , gosh! it was sooo hilarious to see ourselves doing such stuff!
There was once, when we had to act mental, doing stuff we'd never ave done as normal human beings.
And that's when we met. Her name was P, and we just clicked. We rolled onto the grass, acted like drunkards, screamed out loud, did our soprano solos, danced like clumsy fools...and boy, i really let out all my energy into that!
Shit, we had so much in common..and so many dissimilarities, and the moment we greeted each other, it was like we've know each other for a long long time. We talked a lot, and, i'd finally found what i wanted , a true friend. Somehow, these friends always turn up at the ashram!
We went together, though we didn't stay in the same buildings, we always turned up in the same spot at the same time. She reminded me of zokra, it was like zokra was there with me all the time..... only thing, zokra hates aol. So, me and p talked about a lot, gossiped a lot, and i finally began to completely forget the entire "old gang" in my building.!
I'd made friends with an amazing, sentimental writer, and boy, she's talkative, once she gets into the mood, she was fun, and , it was like all her problems got dissolved once she did the course.
My favorite part of the course was all the different people I met. DOing kriya together, eating lunch together, doing seva together, yoga, dances and meditation, and just being blissfully happy after everything just made my course this time so memorable.
I completely forgot to mention the teachers!!!
We had the best combo of teachers...ever! we had arvind bhaiya, shreya didi, justin, amol, akaash, and a few others, and they made it superb!
the one thing that i remember the most is the hot seat. One of the most emotional experiences i had. i wasn't chosen, but i wanted to go! Seeing waht happened there i wanted it to happen to me.....i wanted to get cleaned on the inside too.
The next day was Guruji's birthday
And that night, around 10, we were asked to write down everything we despised, everything, with paper and pencil aplenty.
i wrote, i wrote, i wrote, i wrote. I wrote about everything. it was a sort of fierce determination, i wanted it all to get over.... but i couldn't write more than two pages.... and all around me people were on their 5th page.!!!
Later, in the night, we went to this helipad, a 15 minute walk from the ashram, and there we set
up a HUGE campfire, and we were asked to chuck our problems into the fire, and forget them forever. Nice symbolism, but how could I?
i shredded it, tore it, and i yelled as i threw it into the fire, and i felt so victorious, all of a sudden. So jubiliant. And it was over, literally, i didn't care what happened to them, i watched as the flames licked them down.
And I made my way back to the room, and waited till midnight, with the mumbai people, and then screamed out loud!!! (and woke everyone else up)
Mom had brought some of her famous chocolate cake a day before, and it was soon demolished by everyone!!! And what did i get? More orders for mom to make some more!!
We went for a walk, a sorta boy- girl boy- girl walk, and it was so damn sweet ( felt damn cosy, i daresay)
( here "we" refers to me, a few of the mumbai people, and my roommates)
And that's how YESII ended, photos, videos, phone no.s, email id's, a lot of names to remember, etc. etc. etc.
Oh did i tell you, the oldie people apologised!!! They actually talked to me, in private and said they were so damn sorry for ignoring me that way. mom was right, they did come back, and now we're great friends, having put the past behind us, and living in the present moment.
And there ends my Bangalore episode.....May 13th...
