Well, bio just got over and ive got math in a few days, on 20th, to be precise.
After that - it will be mauja hi mauja - but only for a few days i suppose, ya, with my parents around, Ive got no choice but to prepare for the other xams that are coming.
:(
Well, the near future is not something i look forward to.
There's nothing in it, nothing at all, it literally is moving on, growing up, letting go, and all that.
wonder if ill get a college in blore.
Man, allopathic docs have such an aversion towards ayurveda!!
Talking about aversions, I'm trying to overcome the stupid aversion i have towards practicing calculus!
There's no secret at all, i just sit with someone and do it, well, so there's no distractions and stuff, but i resent this sort of math all the time.
Give me totalling, simple math, arithmetic, neat algebra, with trigs, or logs, ill do it!
But calculus? Integration? It does not seem to fit anything ! It totally defies the logic i have, and i have very little patience with it.
Its stupid.
Math can be fun. Dad says it's a mental block I have, well, that's not completely true.
I just see no particular help that integrating 1 +logx/ log x would have,
ok well that sum is stupid, ne1 can solvge it,
it was just an wxample, but its useless!!!!!! There's nothing satisfying in doing worthless sums like them!
Ok, so you're looking for satisfaction in math too?
Defi!!!I love solving problems!
Looking at all that integration makes my stomach go phlaakgurglllldrgghfifsoooofthrrrp!
Or maybe I'm just hungry. Gotta grab a "bite" then!
Uh oh, eating with mehendi on my hands, will not be easy, hey, they should have that as a task for Roadies 5.0!!!! :)
Its a stupid task anyways, but its worth trying!
When i say fine, doesn't mean its all right. It means whatever. It means i have no choice, that reminds me , thats what SSR was talking about yesterday, in the rain. We happened to go to the new school SSRVM, in kachamaranahalli, and he came. What a crowd, and what a downpour!
It always happens, i get the chance to meet him, I always shy away from it!!! Every single time!
But ya, i don't know, mom says that SSR is like her guru, but me? He's not mine, I'm sure of that. They say that the teacher chooses the student. Well, teacher, WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to learn, ( not calculus)!!!
phlaakgurglllldrgghfifsoooofthrrrp!
phlaakgurglllldrgghfifsoooofthrrrp!
phlaakgurglllldrgghfifsoooofthrrrp!
phlaakgurglllldrgghfifsoooofthrrrp!
phlaakgurglllldrgghfifsoooofthrrrp!
Ok ok !!!! c ya!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Crash, boom bang!
Well, the fucker's at it again.
Look at what i was led into - a no win situation.
Bloody fuck fuck FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Why is it always pigheadedness? Why is it always refusal?
The fucker got fucked up!
What bullshit! How could I let this happen? Why did i even bother asking?
However do I try and recover? A word of caution, is enough to tear apart stuff! Why didn't I realise where it was taking me?
F.U.C.K!
This requires something I can't take. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Gotta go jump on the bed and scream into the pillow, I'm furious for not doing what i felt like doing!
Why does arrogance always have to triumph? Why does it lead to regret and remorse?
Did I start it? Why, oh why? FUCK man fuck.
Ya, fucked up day, fucked up self esteem, and fucked up energy.
Ive got no enthusiasm.
Where's my relief? Gotcha, the phone, nothing more motivating than a nice, long call.
Here I come, and here i go.
Look at what i was led into - a no win situation.
Bloody fuck fuck FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Why is it always pigheadedness? Why is it always refusal?
The fucker got fucked up!
What bullshit! How could I let this happen? Why did i even bother asking?
However do I try and recover? A word of caution, is enough to tear apart stuff! Why didn't I realise where it was taking me?
F.U.C.K!
This requires something I can't take. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Gotta go jump on the bed and scream into the pillow, I'm furious for not doing what i felt like doing!
Why does arrogance always have to triumph? Why does it lead to regret and remorse?
Did I start it? Why, oh why? FUCK man fuck.
Ya, fucked up day, fucked up self esteem, and fucked up energy.
Ive got no enthusiasm.
Where's my relief? Gotcha, the phone, nothing more motivating than a nice, long call.
Here I come, and here i go.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Rules.
It so happened that I decided to perform agnihotra yesterday.
Its a sort of puja one does to purify the air around oneself, just takes 10 minutes. Its supposed to be done at sunise and sunset only.
Mom chose a convenient time to tell me to log off the comp and do it. I've never been good with all this, im not that much into puring stuff into fire.
It felt wierd, like I was a sacrificial priest.
But it was a one of a kind experience.
HAs any one felt energy flowing through them? Vibrations? Warmth? Like theres someone whos hugging you?
It felt so ....so different, i was actually upset with my mom for making me get off the comp, but after that, i actually thanked her for making me do that.
I can't wait to do it again!!!!!!
Hope mom gives me another chance, she likes doiing it. I don't blame her, i like it too!
I happened to converse with my junior, and she was complaining about the state of certain "affairs" in school. Well , again, my advising self comes to the forefront, but , must admit, ive never faced a case like tis before, but , it turns out , my advice worked!!!
Well, that;s bcause ive gone through a lot too!
But that was a classic case!!!!Mine was pretty simple, it was obvious, the solution.
Just reminded me of all the stuff we used to do in the 7th, 8th, nd 9th grade.
Try as i might, i just cant seem to be able to type th i's in cap form , its just this involuntary thing which types them all in small!!!!
Stupid!!!
I had just viewed my classmates blog yesterday, he said i was toooooo active while blogging!!!
Ya , well, he's a big bookworm, can do a zillion things at once, but he could not finish reading my blog!!!! A big brain too, excels all the time!
I like his blog, nice sensible stuff, not the crapshit i type!
Again, i cannot type the i's in caps!!
Argh! What to do? What's goin on? humhumhum.....
There is a lot going on that i don't know of.
I can't know everything.
I have the choice. I can say no, i can say yes, i can listen to what i want to hear, and no to what i don't want to hear.
Simple.
Well, since my blog has led to tooooo many questions, I've decided to stop it here. I've decided to do something else.
There are better ways, and ive chosen them.
Its a sort of puja one does to purify the air around oneself, just takes 10 minutes. Its supposed to be done at sunise and sunset only.
Mom chose a convenient time to tell me to log off the comp and do it. I've never been good with all this, im not that much into puring stuff into fire.
It felt wierd, like I was a sacrificial priest.
But it was a one of a kind experience.
HAs any one felt energy flowing through them? Vibrations? Warmth? Like theres someone whos hugging you?
It felt so ....so different, i was actually upset with my mom for making me get off the comp, but after that, i actually thanked her for making me do that.
I can't wait to do it again!!!!!!
Hope mom gives me another chance, she likes doiing it. I don't blame her, i like it too!
I happened to converse with my junior, and she was complaining about the state of certain "affairs" in school. Well , again, my advising self comes to the forefront, but , must admit, ive never faced a case like tis before, but , it turns out , my advice worked!!!
Well, that;s bcause ive gone through a lot too!
But that was a classic case!!!!Mine was pretty simple, it was obvious, the solution.
Just reminded me of all the stuff we used to do in the 7th, 8th, nd 9th grade.
Try as i might, i just cant seem to be able to type th i's in cap form , its just this involuntary thing which types them all in small!!!!
Stupid!!!
I had just viewed my classmates blog yesterday, he said i was toooooo active while blogging!!!
Ya , well, he's a big bookworm, can do a zillion things at once, but he could not finish reading my blog!!!! A big brain too, excels all the time!
I like his blog, nice sensible stuff, not the crapshit i type!
Again, i cannot type the i's in caps!!
Argh! What to do? What's goin on? humhumhum.....
There is a lot going on that i don't know of.
I can't know everything.
I have the choice. I can say no, i can say yes, i can listen to what i want to hear, and no to what i don't want to hear.
Simple.
Well, since my blog has led to tooooo many questions, I've decided to stop it here. I've decided to do something else.
There are better ways, and ive chosen them.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Call names
Well Mr G said that all the names over here were like call names, one never knew who i was referring to.
And from there arises a problem, since no1 knows who i refer to, except myself, there's always an inkling of doubt.
Well sometime ago, Mr M asked me who Mr M was - nd well, ya, there are tooooo many mr M's i know. I need to think of better names.
The wrong people think im referring to them, the right ones think im referring to someone else.
Maybe i should remove the anonymity.
No, i think it should be left as it is. Just to let people know that your blog, is not an open page,
Nor am i!
well , you are, kind of.
I can't believe i had a 3 hour long chat, with one of my most favourite ppl in the world,
Purely coincidental. He was free, and so was I
Why does every conversation start with a " wassup""?
It's a different wassa from different people, but dont people find it a bit too boring?
i sometimes do, no, actually, most of the time.
Ok fine , the other side of the argument could be, how else do we start?
Well it could be anything else, anyway else, a stupid satement, anything!!!!!
but ya, let ppl be themselves, let them do things the way they want to
There's this guy i know from pondicherry. He's watever you want in a normal guy, adding a bit of exuberance, and ummm a bit of lets say, hes a kleptomaniac.
And he drinks. Hes not a drunkard of course,but given the chance, he would drink.
Reminds me of quite a few ppl, i remmbr them suffering.I remember seeing them dead, dying, in the hospital. I remember so much. Thinking about that, mi grandad's deathday, comes this saturday. The day of my bio exam.
I don't know how my mother feels about it. I've seen her cry, I've cried, i loved and respected him so much. Its a pity he had to leave, leaving all my questions unanswered, i lost him. all because his liver couldnt take any more.
Ill miss him most on that day, and so will my mom.
Coming back, i was trying to make him understand that it wasnt good for him. It makes a big loss to a person's life. Ive known it. Ive seen it.
He just would not understand. Why do I keep butting my head against such brick walls?
Like my "master" said, just dont even bother, let them realise. Ill drop it.
Ive dropped it.
Mr M's supposed to be going away forever . He's leaving blore.
Well, can't say ill miss him, cant say that i'd forget him either.
Ill just never forget him, thats it.
Ive got to let him go. This is the end of the road, and whatever connection we had, is not meant to be. I have to let you go.
Wonder how though. Will all those "old man" nd "kiddo" IM's.
Ironic, he leaves the day my exams end. Too ironic.
But hell yes, ill always wish the best for you.
Gotta get a move on now!!!!
Im getting too senti!!
And from there arises a problem, since no1 knows who i refer to, except myself, there's always an inkling of doubt.
Well sometime ago, Mr M asked me who Mr M was - nd well, ya, there are tooooo many mr M's i know. I need to think of better names.
The wrong people think im referring to them, the right ones think im referring to someone else.
Maybe i should remove the anonymity.
No, i think it should be left as it is. Just to let people know that your blog, is not an open page,
Nor am i!
well , you are, kind of.
I can't believe i had a 3 hour long chat, with one of my most favourite ppl in the world,
Purely coincidental. He was free, and so was I
Why does every conversation start with a " wassup""?
It's a different wassa from different people, but dont people find it a bit too boring?
i sometimes do, no, actually, most of the time.
Ok fine , the other side of the argument could be, how else do we start?
Well it could be anything else, anyway else, a stupid satement, anything!!!!!
but ya, let ppl be themselves, let them do things the way they want to
There's this guy i know from pondicherry. He's watever you want in a normal guy, adding a bit of exuberance, and ummm a bit of lets say, hes a kleptomaniac.
And he drinks. Hes not a drunkard of course,but given the chance, he would drink.
Reminds me of quite a few ppl, i remmbr them suffering.I remember seeing them dead, dying, in the hospital. I remember so much. Thinking about that, mi grandad's deathday, comes this saturday. The day of my bio exam.
I don't know how my mother feels about it. I've seen her cry, I've cried, i loved and respected him so much. Its a pity he had to leave, leaving all my questions unanswered, i lost him. all because his liver couldnt take any more.
Ill miss him most on that day, and so will my mom.
Coming back, i was trying to make him understand that it wasnt good for him. It makes a big loss to a person's life. Ive known it. Ive seen it.
He just would not understand. Why do I keep butting my head against such brick walls?
Like my "master" said, just dont even bother, let them realise. Ill drop it.
Ive dropped it.
Mr M's supposed to be going away forever . He's leaving blore.
Well, can't say ill miss him, cant say that i'd forget him either.
Ill just never forget him, thats it.
Ive got to let him go. This is the end of the road, and whatever connection we had, is not meant to be. I have to let you go.
Wonder how though. Will all those "old man" nd "kiddo" IM's.
Ironic, he leaves the day my exams end. Too ironic.
But hell yes, ill always wish the best for you.
Gotta get a move on now!!!!
Im getting too senti!!
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